The "Experience"

I am shamelessly stealing this post title from Nickie Vega of the blog, Random Musings.  During and after my time with a pathological and his insane asylum clan, I always used the descriptive general heading of "the ordeal"to categorize my trek into Hades,  like some grand period of time designation such as "Jurassic."  This might not be too far off the mark because this little adventure into awareness has indeed been part of a most unusual evolutionary process.

Do you remember the old joke about the young man going to his pastor to tell him that he had lost his faith and didn't know what to do?  The minister replies that the fellow had only lost his parents' concept of faith and now he must go out and find his own.  This, in a nutshell, has been my rite of passage coming from direct observation and participation in conscious events.  For me, the "parents" were the old ideas and beliefs I held, for many reasons running from childhood perceptions to understanding of the "Christian ethic."

This particular stage of growth has proven fertile with high drama and angst.  If any need refresher data on just what this land of the bizarre  looked like, it is colorfully described in Betty LaLuna's blog, Narc Raider, or my small work, Life in the Aftermath of a Narcissist.

I once blithely espoused that we totally create our lives like an Ursala Le Guin novel...tra la.... From this happily tripping child through the field of flowers, I hit much despair and wondered if there were God out and about.

"Yes, Virginia," He is ....whatever one believes the power of this energy to be, He Is..and He's still there.  Oddly and wonderfully, but without naiveté, I have climbed through the veils of this path of life to recognize so many miracles.  Why the need to join the traveling circus from another planet?

My personal theory is that I needed to know - just as in my fantasies of being a "warrior of the Light" - that there is more to me than the circumstances of any moment.  The song from "Funny Girl" comes to mind.  Not in the sense of a lover as felt in Fanny Bryce's singing question, but as the "me" spanning space and time, with new awareness.

"Who are you now ,

Now that you're mine?

Are you something more than you were before?

...I know I'm better, braver, and surer, too.

Who are you now?"

Let's see....